Josie enjoying life, or watching for bunnies, or both!
Yesterday – Easter Sunday, was an amazing day. We were all up at the crack of dawn. I love the early mornings during the spring. I love a bit of chill in the air and cool dew on the grass. Our yard backs up onto an overgrown hill; overgrown by our own desire. We see a tiny bit of creation, all year round, living in the brush on our hill. Bunnies, deer, turkeys, and more species of birds than I can name. I love watching them come and go. Their life exists solely to survive. Eating, sleeping and playing. I love having a glimpse of their freedom. We have a new dog in our home, Josie. She is a border collie/australian shepherd mix. She is sweet and gentle with everyone, she even grooms the cats if they will hold still long enough. She is much like the critters outside the house, she eats and sleeps and plays. She doesn’t worry about her next meal, she isn’t concerned about being on time, she isn’t stressed over bills or kids or any of our worries. I can’t say for sure, but I believe the only time she is sad is when we are hurting or when she sees us hurt others, when we are not being our best selves.
On Easter, when were all celebrating “Christ Is Risen!” I found myself feeling anxious, and unusually alone. Alone by my own doing, looking inside myself, re-evaluating myself once again. I thought of Josie, my border collie and before her was Bessie, my cocker spaniel. They both look at me with such reverence, with a complete desire to please and do what is right. There is a sort of covenant between a pet and their owner. ”I will keep you safe and dry. I will keep you feed and bathed. I will take you to the doctor and make sure your needs are met.” and my dog says to me, “I love you, unconditionally, without any reservations or qualifications. Period.” I’m so grateful for this creature in my life who gives so much of herself, not just to me but our entire family. I’m sure there is an analogy there if I squint.
Anyway, back to Easter. We had two beautiful services at church Sunday morning. The music always transports my heart and deeply touches my soul. I love seeing friends that I don’t see every week and hugging them tight and saying I love you. I’ve missed you. After the first service I was sitting in the sanctuary lost in my head and I looked up at the cross over our alter and felt such a deep sense of having been offered a gift I am not worthy to receive. I was fighting to accept it. Why did this weigh so heavy on my heart? And, why was I struggling to accept the sacrifice was for me? I’ve thought about it all day Sunday and it’s bugged me all day today. I have come to a conclusion that at least part of my issue is the worry and concern I put on mostly insignificant things. I allow my focus to be drawn away from the cross to all of these little matters. My clothes aren’t fitting well, because I’ve lost a good bit of weight. What do I do? Look in the mirror and bash myself for looking so baggy in my clothes. Why not pat myself on the back and wear my baggy clothes as a badge of accomplishment? All of my friends have said as much. I waste time worrying about everyone’s problems and trying to be my own sort of ‘savior’ to them. This has gotten me no closer to the person that my dog and Jesus know that I can be.
My solution: Look at the bunnies and turkeys outside. They are not worried or stressed about their clothes or their food or shelter. Hug my dog and really see that she is focused on loving and doing so unconditionally. I need to constantly let go of the things in life that take my eyes off of the cross and willingly, humbly and gratefully accept the grace Christ has offered to me daily. I need to see the resurrection daily. Sometimes I’m guessing it needs to be hourly. I must, we all must, remember every day that we are each and everyone beautiful children of God. The homeless man heading towards me hands out for money needs me to stop and really see him there and love him (and give him a McDonald’s gift card); the overbearing ‘know-it-all’ church lady (who intimidates the crap out of me) needs me to love her and know and that her domineering attitude is masking loneliness and resentments of her own; the family member who is quick to remind me that I have let them down, again, and again needs me to look past tiresome comments and see that they really do love me, they just really don’t know how to show it.
It seems so many of us get so bogged down in our own juicy problems and stuff that we forget to not just look at the comfortable safe people in our lives but to also reach out to the uncomfortable people. Every day, today, now, I must re-remember the sacrifice that was made. I can spend this day, or even this moment, stuck in my own despair and dis-ease or I can make a step towards the uncomfortable people, towards resolving the uncomfortable truths in myself that I am avoiding, feeling uncomfortable telling someone ”No” if “Yes” means i’m not taking care of myself. I will take that uncomfortable look at the cross and see that Christ is no longer bound and no longer in pain and I don’t have to be either.
He is risen! Again.
